Is This What Panic Looks Like?

Is This What Panic Looks Like?

wanna wanderWell, today was the day.  I handed over that certified check to the old owners of my new RV.  You would think that I would be jumping for joy or smiling from ear to ear but I wasn’t.  As a matter of fact, I don’t know what I was.  I honestly couldn’t figure it out.

Have you ever changed something so drastically that it was hard for you to comprehend your own feelings?  Well, that’s what I did.  In a matter of 3 months I decided I wanted to travel full time, I fixed up my pride and joy (my home), put it on the market, sold everything I own, sold my house, and bought an RV to become a full time traveler.

It might be safe to mention here that I had never even driven an RV or been in an RV before I decided that this was my next chapter.  All I knew was that I wanted to travel full time because that is when I am truly the happiest and it was time for me to be happy and I couldn’t think of one single reason why I shouldn’t be.  So in these 3 months I also had to learn the ins and outs of RV life, what to look for and what to stay away from, what to remember, the lingo, etc.  You have no idea how much there is to learn about this lifestyle until you dive in both feet first.

Needless to say, I have a lot more knowledge now than I did 3 months ago but nowhere near what I should have I’m sure.  Truth is this is where most people would drag their feet and say they needed some more time or experience before they got started and keep pushing it off.  Since I know this to be true, I will not allow it to happen.

I turn away from everything I have known and built the last 6 years in just 5 short days.  This is where the confusion of feelings comes in.  Am I happy, sad, excited, stressed, crazy, tired, overwhelmed, nostalgic, scared…….the answer is yes.  Yes to all of that and yes to all at the same time.  That’s a lot of feelings to process at once and honestly I don’t think I did it very well.  After realizing this was the last step before takeoff I started to panic.  My panic looked a little like this:  no words, straight faced, silent, no smiles, no frowns, no tears, nothing but thinking in my head, what can I say right now?  I should be jumping up and down with joy but yet, I’m sitting here on the drive home at a complete loss of what I’m feeling or what I should say or a conversation I can come up with to make the drive seem less awkward.

My guess is that if you are reading this it’s because full time travel is something you want to do or aspire to do in the future.  What I want you to know is that these feelings are real and they are normal.  Over the entire process you are going to feel so many different things and you are going to feel them almost to a point of not feeling anything any longer.  It’s ok…….it’s normal and it’s going to happen.  My advice to you and to myself right now is to embrace it.  I am remembering why I got in to this position in the first place.  Yes it’s a lot, but being happy and free is something I deserve and I have earned.  So, with all of this being said, now that I have put this all out on to paper, I feel great.  I am now feeling what I thought I should have felt when I handed over the check today.  I am excited, I am ready, I will be turning that final page of this chapter in 5 days and I won’t be looking back.

By | 2018-06-23T19:38:30+00:00 July 16th, 2017|Arizona, General|Comments Off on Is This What Panic Looks Like?